TANU - A STORY BY ZELAM TAMBE

‘Kabhikabaar’ 

presents

“TANU”

by

Zelam Tambe

There's always a choice!
This time it was between 
a motherhood and a womanhood

Tanu! “What do you think of yourself...huuhh”...Anish shouted at me! Every time I support you that doesn’t mean this time too I would do! No means No....do you get that! Anish was too harsh this time. Looking straight in my eyes, he expressed his anger.  I was stunned and shocked at his behaviour, but didn’t utter a word. This was not my Anish, it was someone else, and this cannot be the person I have known since my childhood.  Have you ever thought of baba? What will he think about you? About us; Tanu how can you be so careless and childish? He bombarded his questions on me. I stood frozen in front of him like an idol.

I gathered a lot of courage and stood in front of him, more powerful and bold in my gesture. “For the first time, I was talking with him, the truth that was against him!” Agreed that you are my husband, but that doesn’t give you the right to demolish my thinking! I accept that I love you deeply, anish! But that doesn’t mean that I have to suppress my inner voice! I have always chosen to do what you liked, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t have my own choice!”

I still wonder! What made me take that decision and from where did I get the courage to speak that day?

The discussion was still afresh in my mind and I was remembering those allegations, when a shrill sound of ambulance broke my trance. I quickly got up from my seat and rushed towards the ward, where the patient was being taken on the stretcher by the nurses. I overheard someone screaming, call Dr. Swati, it’s an emergency, the patient is dying out of pain.

Everyone rushed towards the OT and I too followed them. Surpassing me the doctor arrived at the occasion. She was instructing the medical staff when I hurriedly approached her and intruded in her conversation. Dr. Swati, how is she now? I inquired restlessly. The doctor put her hand on my shoulder and consoled, she will be fine Ms. Tanu. I shall keep you abreast don’t worry. She then hurried towards the operation Theatre. I sat impatiently waiting to hear about the next development from the doctor.

I was standing beside an open window and looking out; the weather was calm and chilly cold. It was winter. From no-where I found a wrinkled hand wrapping me up in a woollen shawl. I turned around to see. It was baba. I hugged him tight and cried like a child in his caring embrace. Sometimes, all you need is to be understood and heard. Baba played an angel then.

He consoled me and made me calm; offered me the much required strength when it was needed aptly. Placing his palm on my head he said, “Tanu- aap toh mera sabse bahaadur beta ho”! For the first time, I could feel that my relation with my father-in-law was re-defined that day! Interestingly! From the day I chose to walk on the path I decided to walk on, I encountered many facets of relations, and one of the sweet ironies of this relation was, it never demanded any justification, as it did in case of my beloved husband Anish!”

I sat beside him on a bench, inside the waiting area near the operation theatre. A nurse from the OT came running with a requirement list. I walked up to her and inquired about the situation in the OT? All ok inside, was all she could manage to say rushing towards the OT again.

Leaving me on the bench, baba returned to the billing counter for making the payment for the medicines required during the operation. I was still lost in the thoughts of Anish. I still fail to understand what went wrong between us? His allegations haunted me even today!

Anish was getting ready for his office, when he got a call from his travel agent ranjith. Haan bolo ranjith! he said as he picked up the phone. Hmm... hmmm..yes I know we have a client there.. So you want me to go to Mumbai and pay him a visit at his office at the Grant road?

Listen! He ordered. No..No..No not today.. ranjith, it’s month ending and so I need a week’s time to take care of all the logistics I am currently working on, so let me  finalise on my current stuff and get back to you about this tour, he instructed clearly. Ok... do one thing, I shall mail the CEO of the company the details and proceed accordingly with the meeting. In the meantime, keep the itineraries for the 6^th June meeting ready for me. So that we can book the flight for Mumbai soon! Anything else; he inquired over the call with ranjith and said, “dekhle bhai tu” and hung up the call.

I was around standing with his tie in my hand, waiting for him to finish his call. “So you are going to Mumbai next week haan?” I inquired fastening a knot of his tie and adjusting the same around his neck. He pulled me closer and whispered in my ears, you wanna join me sweetheart?  Hmmm... I would love to join you my dear husband, I said, but think twice, will you be able to concentrate on your client meet then? I winked at him and smiled naughtily looking in his eyes while my fingers teased him as I fastened the knot around his neck and he struggled to breathe some fresh air. He screamed in a reflex and said, “ab jaan logi kya”.

I laughed aloud teasing replied,”haan, chalo aaj dekh hi lete hain ki mere liye kyat um apni jaan de sakte hon?” I nudged him mischievously and in repulsion, he entangled me in his arms tight, and this time he teased me saying, ab hasso; hmmm...hmmm hasssoo, jaan de nahi sakta, haan magar, jaan le sakta hu madam, he said and laughed aloud!!!” I started coughing hard and found it difficult to breathe further. Tears came in my eyes. He looked at me and loosened the grip and hugged me tight, “bewakoof! tum meri jaan ho, aur tum ye jaan lo, ki main apni jaan toh de sakta hu, lekin apni jaan ko kisiko de nahin sakta (he said looking at my mirror reflection). I felt secured and loved in his arms. We looked at each other, I hugged him tight and rested my head on his chest and he leaned forward to and planted a kiss on my head.

My lips curved a little broader remembering that day, when suddenly, someone taped on my shoulder and addressed me, Ms. Tanu? It was Dr. Swati. Attentively, I got up from my seat and stood upright in front of her. Ms. Tanu, I need to talk with someone senior in your family, please come to my cabin. I followed her carrying several questions in my mind. Many possibilities were flashing in my mind but my reluctant mind was paused for a moment to think further. I was in trauma and so was not in a position to utter a word, though my heart forced me ask the questions that didn’t stop popping up in my mind. We entered the doctor’s cabin. I was getting nervous and poised.

Dr. Swati asked me to take a seat in front of her. Looking at my nervousness, she offered me a glass of water placed on the table in front of me. Are you ok now? She looked at me and inquired. Yes! Yes! Doctor swati. I am ok now; you can share what you want to. Tanu, she paused for a moment, we need to operate her. I won’t hide from you the fact at this moment as it is a critical decision for you to take. Straight away without beating around the bush, she mentioned that one of the two can be saved. The situation doesn’t allow me to save both! I have tried my level best to manage the situation and save the mother and the child both, but due to some complicated situations, we need to choose now out of both of these.

I was frozen for a moment. “One of the two” these lines kept flashing in my mind to and fro. I was totally taken aback and didn’t take a decision now. After thinking deeply for 5 mins, I made up my mind. Doctor can I meet her now? I promise I won’t take much of her time; I need to talk with her before I choose to sign on one of this declaration.

Generally, we don’t permit such things, but since I know what you are going through, I allow you to meet the patient just for 2 minutes and not more than that. There were tears in my eyes, when she granted me the permission. I rushed to the OT to meet vandana.

In a while, I walked out of the ward. Looking at me Dr. Swati enquired, “So what have you decided tanu?” the doctor asked me. Save the child Dr. Swati. I said looking confident and determined this time. Are you??...the doctor just uttered these words, I interrupted her and said, “It is a promise given by a woman to a mother to save her child, come what may – doctor!” Please go ahead and operate her, she is waiting to bring her child in this world, Dr. Swati.

The doctor went inside the OT and I returned to my seat, with a smile on my face this time. Baba joined me shortly and inquired about the things with vandana. I explained him everything what the doctor asked me and even my decision. He trusted my decisions always and stood with me like a solid pillar each time. He now knows the truth; I told him, not the one which I know. God! Please forgive me this time as I have promised vandana to keep the things to me, I prayed silently in my heart. Though, my conscious hated me for this act of mine, but my heart consoled it by telling it, “for a mother, it’s the child first and then the rest of the world”.

Baba got up from his seat and walked towards the door of OT in anticipation of some news, and five minutes later, we heard the doctor saying, “Congratulations! It’s an angel”. Baba was waiting to hear about vandana, but I know he will never see her again. I took him to the ward where the baby was, handed him the baby and said, “Baba, this gudiyaa is just like the pari of your fairytales, isn’t it? He took the baby in his arms and cried. I cheered him up by saying, “Now you have a new companion baba, and wiped his tears off. You play with the princess and I shall complete the formalities with the doctor. I said and left the room.

Tanu I am sorry! We could not save vandana, the doctor tried to sympathise me with her kind gesture. Doctor, you tried your level best! And so far as the choice was concerned, it was vandana’s desire that mattered to me the most, then. You lost a patient, but I lost my sister-in -law, who was once my childhood friend. I lost half the battle today, though there is still a bigger battle awaiting me around the corner! Tanu said wryly with tears in her eyes.

Silence wrapped around us when I uttered these words. Having finished with the formalities with the doctor, I moved towards the room where vandana’s dead body lying. I was shaken from within but vandana’s last words boosted my confidence and I thought to myself that I won’t give up on this battle. So I stood confident in front of her dead body and promised her, “I promise you dear vandu, I won’t sit calm till I give justice to your sacrifice. I won’t let those people sleep sound till I shall take revenge from them. It’s my promise to you dear!

I returned to the ward, where baba was sitting with the new born baby girl in his embrace. For the first time, I took her in my arms and caressed her. She was beautiful alike vandana. I thanked God and wished for her wellbeing. The nurse came and asked for the name of the child as a formality for the birth certificate to be prepared. Looking at the baby, I said, her name is “katha”. I said this with confidence, remembering Vandana. Madam, full name please! The sister elaborated. Sister, “I said, her full name is Kathaa Vandana Sharma. It was her mother’s last wish, to name give her name to her daughter.

Baba was standing beside me, when I said this. He was shocked to learn that vandana is no more. Baba! Vandu left us forever! I felt I should share with him everything, but this was not the right time and place, I thought. So I kept quiet.

We started for home. I knew there was no one waiting for us there to welcome us, but still I went home back for baba. Anish and Anuj both were present that day. They were not happy to see me enter the house again and this time with the baby. Anuj didn’t even bother to inquire about vandana! “The home had now become the House again - dry and unwanted”

I walked towards, Anish, looked at him, and said, “You always wanted a daughter, na! See, God has fulfilled your wish now Anish! Looking at her anish, argued back, don’t you dare call her my daughter! She is a curse to our family! God knows who is her father?

Anishhhh...baba screamed, do you know what are you saying? Baba, I know well! But you don’t know. Tanu has concealed from you the truth! This is not Anuj’s child baba! He shouted in frustration! This is an outcome of your daughter in law’s cheap character. Anuj is innocent. Many a times he came to me, complaining about vandana’s whereabouts but I thought this was their personal matter so, I didn’t bother them. But the day when vandana declared her pregnancy, Anuj came to me to share his heart out. He confessed that this is not his child, as he is impotent!

Baba was taken aback! Finding it difficult to speak, he collapsed in the armchair.  Anuj stood standstill in his place. There was a pin drop silence in the room! Everyone was in a deep trauma, when we all heard a roaring sound of a police van approach our house. It halted at our house.

A man in police uniform walks in and addresses to baba. Mr. Vishwanath verma? He inquired. Baba nodded and said, I am vishwanath, what is the case, inspector? he inquired. Somebody lodged an FIR at our police station, today. FIR for what inspector? Anuj inquired. The victim has submitted her complaint in writing with her signature. He showed a piece of paper to baba. Anish snatched the paper from him and read what was written in it. 

I told you na, baba! Now see this, waving the piece of paper in air, he gestured towards baba, see what your daughter in law vandana, has done. She played a game with all of us. This letter is a proof that she was a characterless woman. Inspector, you have wrong information! Baba said this in defending Anish. 

But, Mr. Vishwanath, the victim has mentioned clearly in this about her situation and this letter stands a solid proof against the culprit. The culprit has to prove himself, innocent in the court of law now. Wait inspector! Why should we rely upon this piece of paper? This might be a conspiracy against my elder brother. And vandana is no more now! So the case nullifies here itself. My brother has done nothing inspector. I would request you to leave this house now, he further added.

Wait inspector! I intervened in their discussion. It was me, who wanted to give you the information about the culprit. Everyone was shocked to see this! Anish came beside me and angrily uttered in lower voice, whatever grudges you have we can solve it later, no need to make the scene here in front of the third person. I looked at him and said, he is no more a third person now Anish! He has come to arrest the culprit here.

Culprit! Culprit! Culprit! Who the hell is the culprit tanu? You! Yes! Mr. Anish Verma, you are the culprit. I pointed at him and shouted. A sheer silence wrapped us all in the room. Baba came to me and before he could say anything, I spoke. Baba forgive me please, I kept you away from the truth. It is the truth, which I came to know through vandana when she was breathing her last in the operation theatre.

Baba, tanu is trying to mislead you! Anuj interrupted. I have all the supporting evidences with me my dear Anuj, I said and took out the documents.

Looking at baba, I stated, you remembered when me and Anish visited our family doctor and she said, there is no hope even in future, for me to conceive. Anish and I had a huge fight one day when I requested him to carry out a test to check whether both of us are normal or is there any abnormality within anyone of us. Anish was shattered, but he still loved me.

I thought I was lucky enough to have him in my life, but my trust be fooled me when I came to know that Anish was playing a game with me. Day in and day out we had some or the other argument between us.

Baba I still remember when I married to Anish and came in this house, I left my parents and even all my dreams, my high paying job. I had an MBA degree but still chose to be a housewife because, I had a good family and a caring and lovable husband. And then one day Anuj got married and Vandana was brought into this house. We had a great bonding amongst each other. She was just like a younger sister to me. She was very adamant in pursuing her research work even after marriage and then, I took a stand for her and asked her to continue to do so because I handled the home front. We understood each other so well. But, lately when she came to know about Anuj’s medical condition she was broken. It was difficult for her to manage that stress so she chose to take more projects on hand and kept busy just to keep herself away from negativity. I could sense many a times that she wanted to share with me something, but Anuj’s threatened and blackmailed her time and again so didn’t. Poor vandu, went through hell during the entire last year.

On the other hand, your elder son, and unfortunately my beloved husband, Anish was cheating on me. The day when he was supposed to visit the client in Mumbai, he started from home for Mumbai, but he didn’t visit the client at all. He further moved to Goa and met some of his friends there. Amid all the party and fun, he came to know that Vandu too was in Goa, for her research work. He contacted Vandana and told her that he was supposed to return back home that night so he can pick her up and they would return home together rather than coming in a separate public transport. Poor vandana! Fell prey to his malicious intentions. She went to meet Anish in good faith but, to her utter surprise, he was waiting there for her with a gang of few people in his circle. All were drunk. She was brutally raped by Anish that night. And further being molested by his friends, baba!

Aggression and hatred were the only two expressions that I wore on my face at that moment.

A few months ago when she returned from her parent’s home, she was declared positive on a pregnancy test and there the real drama started taking place. She was three months pregnant then. All she needed then was a support from her family, and above all her husband. But to her surprise, she was questioned. She was a matter of discussion over the dining table for months. Nobody ever tried to hear her or look into the matter. The police was bribed to keep its mouth shut. And the worst thing to happen was, her husband, asked her to abort the child forcibly even though he knew that she had already crossed the span when the child can be aborted. I came to know through the doctor that she had certain complications and so she was rushed to the hospital for a premature delivery.

She tried to tell Anuj many times about the brutal incidence but Anuj was not ready to listen to anything against his beloved brother.

With tears in my eyes, I leant on baba’s feet and said; baba during operation, the doctor came to me for my approval. I was given a choice to choose between the baby and vandu. I still curse myself for my act. When I went to vandana, she confessed in front of me, that I should save the child, for it is not its fault. She wanted to bring the child in this world and so she took my promise to tell doctor, about the choice I made. She knew that I can never be a mother, hence she wanted me to raise her child like a mother and she went on to sacrifice her motherhood for the sake of my womanhood.

How can I forget her sacrifice baba? My voiced chocked as I was crying. Baba, the baby is innocent, why should she be held responsible for anything?

Baba, looked at the baby, took her in his arms and kissed on her forehead.

Inspector, I think the whole story is in front of you. Please take both of them in your custody at this moment, baba instructed to the inspector.

The police took both of them in its custody and me and baba were left in the house with little Katha who hoped for a new beginning for herself.

Current Day!

Tanu runs her own NGO for the destitute women. Baba passed away 2 years back in a cardiac arrest. And the little angel- kathaa, has grown to become a writer and a social activist. Yes! She is happily married now. And even today, she writes her name as Katha Vandana Sharma.

- Please do share your feedback and comment on the blog or you can write to me on kabhikabaar@gmail.com to share your views about my story.